Personalizing Your Vows
Nothing personalizes your wedding ceremony like each of you speaking vows that you wrote yourself. Heartfelt, meaningful, and sometimes funny, writing your own vows doesn’t have to be as daunting as it sounds. You don’t have to be “a writer”, you just need to spend some time gathering your thoughts and writing them down. Your vows will come together – promise! To get you started, here are some practical tips to vow writing:
Before You Start Writing
While your vows to each other don’t have to match perfectly or have a theme, it’s a good idea to decide together what kind of vows you would like. Do you want them to be more playful and humorous or do you envision them as romantic and serious? Will you write them together or independently? Will you share them with each other before the wedding or will they be a surprise?
Get Inspired
In two words, Google it. If you are struggling with getting started, search online for wedding vow samples and read through a bunch to gather some inspiration. There is nothing wrong with doing some research before beginning to write, it’s actually what professional writers do every day. If you practice a certain faith, start there by searching for traditional vows. Do a general search for other examples. Once you read a few you really like, consider what it is about them that appeals to you. Reading through examples is a great jumping off point.
Photo Credit: Erica Ferrone Photography – ericaferronephotography.com
Photo Credit: Andree Kehn Photography – andreekehn.com
Don’t Procrastinate
Nothing brings on every type of procrastination technique like “writer’s block”! Don’t allow yourself to put off working on your vows until the last minute; this added pressure will only make creativity more stifled. Instead, start several months before the wedding if possible, and schedule a few hours every weekend to begin to work on your vows. This will give you plenty of time to gather some inspiration, reflect on your relationship and what your fiancé and your marriage means to you, and to make notes of your thoughts and feelings before the writing process even starts.
Don’t Edit Too Soon
When you begin writing, simply write. Don’t start editing down your content, deciding something is too silly or embarrassing, just start writing. Think about what you love most about your fiancé, how you came to fall in love, your challenges and how you have supported one another. Why do you think your relationship works so well, what inspires you about your partner, and how they make you a better person. All these considerations will get your creative juices flowing and begin to put some words around your relationship and how you come to be getting married. Don’t worry about the flow or how long your vows are yet, just start writing.
Don’t Procrastinate
Nothing brings on every type of procrastination technique like “writer’s block”! Don’t allow yourself to put off working on your vows until the last minute; this added pressure will only make creativity more stifled. Instead, start several months before the wedding if possible, and schedule a few hours every weekend to begin to work on your vows. This will give you plenty of time to gather some inspiration, reflect on your relationship and what your fiancé and your marriage means to you, and to make notes of your thoughts and feelings before the writing process even starts.
Don’t Edit Too Soon
When you begin writing, simply write. Don’t start editing down your content, deciding something is too silly or embarrassing, just start writing. Think about what you love most about your fiancé, how you came to fall in love, your challenges and how you have supported one another. Why do you think your relationship works so well, what inspires you about your partner, and how they make you a better person. All these considerations will get your creative juices flowing and begin to put some words around your relationship and how you come to be getting married. Don’t worry about the flow or how long your vows are yet, just start writing.
Photo Credit: Andree Kehn Photography – andreekehn.com
Pulling It All Together
Once you have a good amount of ideas, thoughts, and feelings down, you can start to establish some structure to your vows. Where to start?! It can be helpful to create a four-part structure to your vows: affirm your love and commitment, praise your fiancé for all that you love most about them, offer your promises, and close with a final vow or promise. Another way to organize your vows is to open with a short story, talk about how your fiancé inspires you, and then circle back to the story in the end to tie it all together. Just be sure to include some promises in your vows – they are called vows for a reason! This can be a good spot to pull in some humor. Along with “I promise to always support your dreams”, you might toss in “I promise to always let you control the remote during football games”, or the like. It’s okay to work in some of the language of traditional vows, and blend them with your original words. This mix can sometimes lend some structure to your vows if you are struggling with how to order your thoughts.
Photo Credit: Val Bozzi Photography – valbozziphotography.com
Photo Credit: Emily Delamater Photography – emilydelamater.com
Final Editing & Preparation
Your vows are important to your ceremony, but they shouldn’t drag on or be repetitive. The final version should be about two minutes long. Pick the most important points you want to make, and make them. If you find you have too much materials that you don’t want to cut, consider writing it up in a letter to give your partner. If you have family and friend related comments, perhaps you could use them in a toast at the reception instead of in your vows. Practice, practice, PRACTICE! One way to quell your nerves about your vows is to read them aloud plenty of times before the ceremony so you are very prepared and familiar with them. Seriously, read them out loud. Your vows should be easy to read and sound conversational, not stiff. Don’t skimp on practicing your delivery!
Final Editing & Preparation
Your vows are important to your ceremony, but they shouldn’t drag on or be repetitive. The final version should be about two minutes long. Pick the most important points you want to make, and make them. If you find you have too much materials that you don’t want to cut, consider writing it up in a letter to give your partner. If you have family and friend related comments, perhaps you could use them in a toast at the reception instead of in your vows. Practice, practice, PRACTICE! One way to quell your nerves about your vows is to read them aloud plenty of times before the ceremony so you are very prepared and familiar with them. Seriously, read them out loud. Your vows should be easy to read and sound conversational, not stiff. Don’t skimp on practicing your delivery!
Photo Credit: Emily Delamater Photography – emilydelamater.com
Final Tips
You will get emotional, and that’s okay. A lot of people avoid writing their own vows because they believe they will be too emotional to get through them, and it’s easier to just repeat short sentences as delivered by your officiant. Don’t sell yourself short on how special sharing vows with each other that you each wrote can be! Just go for it – you will likely be choked up, that adds to the sentiment, but you’ll get through it! Your vows are for your soon-to-be spouse, so when you deliver them, stand straight in front of them and look into their eyes as you give your vows. Remember to breathe and don’t rush through your vows, pauses to look down at your notes and to take a breath are perfectly fine. Good luck!
Featured Image Credits: Val Bozzi – Val Bozzi Photography: valbozziphotography.com
Photo Credit: Val Bozzi Photography:valbozziphotography.com
